The Joys of Standardized Testing

I have a love-hate relationship withs standardized testing.  My first foray into this land where #2 pencils go to die was in kindergarten, where I took the C.A.T. (Aka, the California Achievement Test). When I was just a wee kindergartener, I was a bit confused as to why I was going to be taking a test about cats…but then again, I was 5, so a lot of things about school confused me.  When I got a bit older, I started to wonder why I took the California Achievement Test, even though I lived in Florida…but again, lots of things about school still confused me.

Regardless, I took that test, and filled in little bubbles below pictures, and I have no idea what I got, because, well…I was 5.  So clearly that test meant a lot to me and my education.

And now, some 30 odd years later, the tables have turned, and I’m the one administering what some call “the most fun you can have in 3 hours with a #2 pencil and a test booklet.”  In an ironic twist, as now I hold the key to these children’s futures, I sometimes wish I could be the one taking the test.  Because being the test administrator is so mind-numbingly boring, at least having passages to read and math problems to figure out would give me something to do.

So if you find yourself as the lucky recipient of the title “test administrator,”don’t fret.  This is a great opportunity for you!  Not only do you get to enjoy 3 plus hours of blessed blessed silence, but you don’t have to teach today!  Hooray!  But if you’re still thinking to yourself “Nah, this is still gonna suck…it’s sooooo boring!” I’ve come up with some ways to occupy your mind as you meander through the maze desks placed ever so specifically at least 1 foot apart from each other.

1. See who can make the most intricate structure with only the materials they have in their desk.

When the test is over, students have 2 options:  

a.  Option 1 is to read a novel.  Because clearly, after reading passage after passage for the last 2 hours, kids are going to be chomping at the bit to get to read MORE (Disclaimer:  I probably would have chosen this option, had it been presented to me in my test-taking days,  as long as I had my trusty Sweet Valley Twins books to keep me occupied).

b.  Option 2 is to sleep.

c. And wait, what’s this??  There’s a secret 3rd option??  That’s right!  This option is not at all advertised or recommended, yet students still seem to gravitate towards it.  Using only the materials they have in or on their desks, students can create random structures.  Think of it as MacGyver for kids.  I’ve seen one-person games of pickup sticks, a variety of Lincoln Log-type structures, as well as students who’ve fashioned catapults of sorts.  As the teacher, your job is to shut this nonsense down at once.  But prior to doing so, take a mental note of who would be awarded the prestigious “Rube Goldberg Machine of Excellence” award, and be sure to recommend that student get involved in engineering classes pronto.

2. Count your steps.  

a. You’re technically not supposed to wear any sort of wearable technology, so go old school and count how many steps it takes to get from one side of the classroom to the other.  And then count how many times you go back and forth.  And multiply.  See, you can make it into a whole math problem (who says word problems are just for kids??)…”If it takes your teacher 8 steps to walk from one end of the room to the other, and she makes that walk 14 thousand times, then how many minutes until this blasted test is over?”

3. Participate in the Bathroom Olympics (and no, it’s not what you think, though holding your pee SHOULD be an Olympic event, and teachers would win every single time).  

a. Kids are going to have to go to the bathroom.  But they can only go one at a time.  So half the fun is trying to keep a mental note of who needs to go, and who asked first, and who just needs water, and who just wants to get out of the classroom for a hot minute,  and who probably REALLY needs to go.  I mean, yeah, you can make an actual written list, but what fun is that??  Then, once you send a kid out, that’s when the real mental challenge begins.  First of all, make a guess as to how long it will take that kid to return (HINT: Think an average of 5 minutes if there’s no line, about 8-10 minutes if there is a line).  Then, keep a running tally of who gets back to the room faster, boys or girls.  And before you know it, 45 minutes have flown by! Well, not flown by, but you’re that much closer to your scheduled 3 minute silent stretch break.

So congratulations to you, the lucky winner of this golden opportunity.  While sitting (er, standing and walking) inside for the better part of 3 hours is not in my top ten of things I’d like to do on a Friday morning, hopefully you can take these suggestions and turn that frown upside down!  And of course, if none of the aforementioned options seem appealing, you can always do what’s expected of you and make sure the kids are bubbling in the right bubbles and not getting misaligned.  

Things That Just Don’t Matter as Much in the Summer

Oh summer!  Glorious, glorious summer!  The days are longer—thank you daylight savings—but they seem to fly by so much faster than school days.  And things that seem to matter a fair amount during the school year, just…don’t, over the summer.  Two such things which come to mind are…

My Hair

So, fun fact…my hair is curly.  Wavy, actually, but most certainly not straight.  The funny thing is though is that I didn’t quite realize my hair was curly until around middle school-ish.  So when I would go to the “salon” to get my hair “done,” I begged my mom for a perm.  Actually, if I remember correctly, the service was called a body wave.  (Wow, that just SOUNDS like such an 80s thing).  And the end result…I looked like a poodle.  Maybe that was the result I was looking for?  I’m not sure, I was 7.

When the poofy-poodle-ness eventually wore off, I was in 6th grade, still not sure how to style the mop on my head.  Apparently I still rocked the side-pony (as evidenced by my 6th grade yearbook photo), and maybe I brushed my hair every once in awhile?  The Florida humidity certainly did nothing to calm the frizz-fest that was my hair.  Those were the dark days of hair, so I think I’ve tried to repress those memories.

And then, in 10th grade, something magical happened.  I was shopping with my mom and saw a product simply called a “flat iron.”  The images on the front showed a girl going from curly hair to straight hair.  I was mesmerized.  This magic wand could be mine for the low low price of only $24.99?  Yes please.

And so the downward spiral of using heat to force my hair to do what I wanted it to began.

Fast forward to now.  Flat-irons have come a long way, and are now made with titanium infused ceramic plates and can heat up to 425 degrees.  While I’m pretty sure that’s even hotter than the sun (I don’t teach science, so I’m not quite sure), I barely bat an eyelash at using it 2 to 3 times a week during the school year.  It’s just easier.  And it also keeps me from having to answer the question, “Wow Mrs. Whitford, why is your hair so big?”

But during the summer time?  I think I’ve flattened my hair about 4 times.  Maybe 5.  I dunno, it’s summer, so counting isn’t really important.  Wild, crazy, frizziness?  Bring it on.  I just don’t care.  Or I’ll put on a hat.  Either way, I need to let my flat-iron rest up… just like me.

My FitBit

Can you remember back to a time when the FitBit was not a fashion staple?  Back to a time when steps were just something that helped you get from point A to point B, not something to count and help you engage in competitions with you friends?  Yeah, me either.

My FitBit is now just a part of everyday wear, and I’d feel just as naked without it as I do without my wedding rings (though I’ve had my wedding rings only slightly longer).

Like most, my daily goal is 10,000 steps.  Apparently some doctors or scientists or something somewhere decided that to maintain a healthy lifestyle, one should walk at least 10,000 steps per day (though that goal can be modified to meet your needs very teacher-y thing to say, FYI).  During the school year,  I have no problem meeting or exceeding that goal.  What with walking down the long hallway to my classroom, walking back down the long hallway to go to the copier, walking my kids to specials, walking my kids to lunch, walking my kids to recess, stopping by the office to check my mailbox…that’s not even taking into account the steps taken in and around my classroom (and of course the precious few steps to walk to the restroom when I get a much needed bathroom break).

So 10,000 steps?  Ha, I laugh in the face of that goal!  My daily quota hovers around 13,000, something I revel in taking the chance to tell my husband (I did get about 23,000 the day I went to Disney over spring break; I was pretty proud of that, if I do say so myself).

It seems like I trade my sleep goal for my step goal.  Why sleep when you can be walking, right?  10,000 steps seems like nothing, but 8 hours of sleep?  Ha ha ha, don’t make me laugh.

But during summer?  10,000 steps?  Um…not so much.  Try 5,000-ish, maybe 7,000 on a particularly active day.  I’ve definitely had a few lazy days where I’m struggling to hit even 3,000 steps.
 (those DVDs of 90210 aren’t gonna binge watch themselves!)

But ya know what?  It’s all good, cuz I know come August, I’ll be making up for my lack of steps.  And my step goal and sleep goal will once again trade places.

Classroom Transfiguration, er...I mean Transformation

Ah yes, I remember this feeling...walking into school and up the stairs into my classroom...it's like I never left (though I haven't stepped a foot through those doors in 2 months).  And then seeing my classroom in all of its packed up glory. *heavy sigh*. It's funny, because that image of a packed up classroom is actually GLORIOUS...when it comes at the end of the school year.  Because, at the end of a school year, a bare bones classroom means that I'm allowed to leave and ready to go enjoy all the festivities that summer has to offer (and by festivities, I mean sleeping and binge watching old episodes of Friends and Seinfeld).  But at the beginning of the year, that same image means it's time to put up and take out and unroll everything that I took down and put in cubbies and cabinets and rolled up just 2 months prior.

I have mixed feelings about this time of year.  On one hand, I like this fresh start.  It's that "new school supply" feeling, that time when everything is just so fresh and so clean clean.  I can reinvent my classroom if I want to.  But at the same time...uggghhhh.  I can't help and look at my classroom and just think "this is going to be a lot of f*&@ing work."

But it's fun work.  And it's worth it (I think so anyway).

Though it would be easier if I had a magic wand to go from this...

...to this....

 But alas, all I have are my handmade magic wand pencils, and they don't work quite the same way the magic wands in the movies do.

 

So I'm going to digress for just a bit, and then I'm going to circle back around and explain (I promise I'll explain).

I grew up in Florida.  And such, visiting theme parks was something I did on the reg.  Apparently, back in the 80s, ticket prices to Disney were a far cry from the astronomical ticket prices of today.  And then you add in the Florida resident discount, and the fact that my parents bought seasonal annual passes…it was almost like Disney was paying US to go there.  So we went to Disney.  A lot.

When Universal opened, we surprisingly didn’t immediately go check it out.  My first visit there was actually a school trip (someone in my class had a dad who worked for the company or something, so my class got a VIP backstage tour of Universal…and it was AWESOME!).  But I don’t think I went back until I was in college.  By that time, Islands of Adventure had just opened, and it was like a roller coaster bonanza.  My entire family quickly sprung for annual park hopper passes, and Universal/IOA was quickly added to our repertoire of theme park vacation time.

My reason for sharing this (and I have a reason, I promise), is to explain WHY I love theme parks so much.  I know, they’re hot, they’re tiring, they’re ridiculously expensive…but they were a part of my childhood.  I would love for everyone to have the opportunity to get that same joy that I did from walking into the park and just going “wow.”

And such, I want my classroom to be like a theme park.  I want students to feel as though they’ve escaped the everyday rigmarole and have entered into a new world.  If they can buy into that, then hopefully, they will buy into what I’m teaching.

This year I have once again gone with a Harry Potter theme.  I usually like to switch it up from year to year (I’ve done beach, Dr. Seuss, Snoopy and the Peanuts gang, and Where the Wild Things Are), but things worked out well for me with a Harry Potter-themed classroom LAST year, so I figured I’d just continue on.  Please enjoy the journey through my classroom…

I just think it is SO COOL how Hogwarts students need to go through the brick wall at Platform 9 and ¾ to get to the Hogwarts Express.  So…this is kind of the same thing, right? The bricks are “no fade” bulletin board paper (thank you Amazon Prime), and I painted the Platform 9 and ¾ sign myself.  (Disclaimer:  I was somewhat worried all of last year that I would be told that having paper on the wall outside the classroom was a fire hazard…but no one ever said anything.  Just be aware that…they might).

Hogwarts banner, represent!  The acceptance letters were given to me by a friend who attended a Harry Potter-themed bar crawl.

Got a boo boo?  Obviously you’ll need to visit St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries (Madame Pomfrey is on holiday, so you’ll have to apply the bandages yourself).

I’ve had this mailbox for about 4 years.  Another teacher was *gasp* throwing it away!  I’ve just used it as a spot where kids can turn in their notes from home (oh, so many notes.  So, so, so many notes to turn in).  How I did not see the connection earlier between having a ready-made mailbox in my room and a whole chapter in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone devoted to receiving mail, I have no idea.  Better late than never, right?  I hot glued the little owl to the top.  He’s just taking a rest from his busy day of delivering acceptance letters.

And speaking of mail…here is the Owlery!  This is a shoe organizer, and I use it as “mailboxes” for the kiddos.  I put any notes that need to go home in the kids’ individual mailbox, and the kids check them each day when they come in (or…they’re supposed to).  It’s better than sticking a note on their desk and having that note end up…in their desk until the next time we clean our desks out.  Also, you’ll notice my personalized Hogwarts acceptance letter to the side.  I ordered mine from Legendary Letters (legendaryletters.com), but I’m assuming there are resources you could use to create one yourself if you so desire (spoiler alert, I did not desire to do that).

I must say, I’m pretty proud of this one.  I painted a recently acquired bookcase (it was that boring fake wood color), and filled it with a few different things.  The top 2 shelves are devoted to HoneyDukes, the legendary wizarding sweets shop, with a mix of some popular candies.  I have:

-Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Bean (they’re just regular Jelly Bellies)

-Gummy Slugs (gummy worms)

-Licorice Wands (Twizzlers)

-Wizochoc (Hershey Kisses)

-Fizzing Whizzbees (some random candy I found at Target that are like square sour Gushers)

The price list was painted by one of the other teachers (because she has beautiful handwriting, and my handwriting looks like a 12-year-old boy’s handwriting) on a mini-chalkboard I got from Michael’s.  As one of my classroom rewards, I give out “knuts” and “sickles” in leiu of regular classroom coins.  Students can use those coins to “buy” treats, such as items from HoneyDukes or a “spell coupon.” (For some reason, having the opportunity to take your shoes off in class is like the ultimate treat for some kids)

To finish filling out the bookshelves, I found some random glass bottles at Michael’s, attached potion labels (thank you Pinterest!), and filled them with really whatever I could find (dish soap, hand soap, colored water, glitter, moisturizer, etc. etc.)

Fluffy guards my desk, of course.

I was SO not good at keeping up with table points last year…I had these cool test tube bottles that I would put the colored marbles in to denote points given to the table groups, but the marbles were all different sizes, and they would get stuck, and the test tubes were made of glass, so half of them broke…anyway…

I’m going to try and get a lot more consistent awarding points to the “houses,” and I’m hopeful that these glasses will hold the marbles much easier.

And this quote about the library...how PERFECT to put above MY classroom library!

And speaking of the classroom library...here's another look at one part of it.  The statues on top were randomly in the Media Center, so our media center specialist generously donated them to my classroom.  They're better on display here than gathering dust in Media Center workroom anyway.

I got this mirror randomly at an antique store, just because it looked cool.  It's been sitting on the floor in the guest room for a good few years.  And then I was like..."The Mirror of Erised!"  Of course!  I just used a Sharpie to write the inscription on the outside. (Bonus:  I have this mirror around to put on lipstick for days I feel like looking nice...like Open House, or Currirulum Night, or the first day of school, or...well, that's about it). 

Just a few bulletin boards..."Wand"erful Work is for displaying student work, and I staple random important papers (like our recess schedule) to The Daily Prophet as needed.

Another bulletin board, this one devoted to my “House Elves,” or classroom jobs.  I have since updated the jobs to fit the Harry Potter theme.  Some of my favorites include:

-Silence Charmer - in charge of starting the quiet game 

-Gringott’s Goblins – they are in charge of bringing money down to the office

-Head House Elves – they are in charge of sweeping up at the end of the day…as a bonus (because, seriously, who’s excited to sweep up the classroom?), I’ve told them that they can keep whatever is left on the floor…within reason, of course.  It’s s great way to take care of those random pencils that always somehow litter the ground.

-Lumos/Nox – In charge of turning off the lights when we leave the classroom, and turning the lights on and off for the projector

-Time Turner – changes the date (last year, kids would ask if they could change the date pretty much every day.  I got tired of saying “____ is doing it today, ______ is doing it tomorrow, ______ is doing it the day after that….how about if you change it the day after that?”  So one day, I ripped a piece of paper from a Steno pad, and just wrote the kids’ names down, and I would go down the list to see who would write the date that day.  Assigning this as a job has taken care of all of that for me.)

Ah, the sorting hat.  Mostly because I don’t want lice spread around my classroom (have you have had to DEAL with those evil little bugs???  Uggghhhh, I don’t wish that on my worst enemy!), I kiboshed the idea of an actual hat, and compromised with a piece of woodwork shaped like a hat.  I then of course painted it, and attached bags to the back.  One bag contains little wooden stars with the students’ names, which I use for random grouping, or to decide who will be my first 7 for Heads Up 7 Up.  The other bag contains little wooden stars with table numbers (G1, G2, R1, R2, etc.).  I use this to “sort” my students into their “houses,” and thus the job of assigning table groups is out of my hands (though sometimes I have to override the Sorting Hat’s decision, as some students just CAN’T sit together).  Each table is labeled…Gryffindor 1, Gryffindor 2, Ravenclaw 1, Ravenclaw 2, etc. etc.  So, if a student pulls out “R4,” then they will be sitting at the Ravenclaw table, seat 4.  It’s worked thus far with minimal complaints.  I of course was worried that everyone would want to sit at Gryffindor, and no one would like Slytherin, but I haven’t had to deal with any unhappiness with that….yet, anyway.

I had all these random stuffed animals from my childhood (hence, why the toys in that bin look like the 80s threw up on it) that I didn’t really know what to do with….so now they are reading buddies!  I slapped a Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures label on there, and now they are MAGICAL reading buddies.

Just a shot of the temporary name tags I gave my kiddos before their official name tags were assigned.

And finally, just some overall shots of the classroom.

And that’s it.  Thank you for reading my longest blog post EVER!!!  Hopefully you can use some of these ideas as you get your own Harry Potter-themed classroom, and feel free to share any other ideas, tips, or tricks with me.

What it meant then...and what it means now...

I know this is going to be hard to believe, but there was a time that I would actually get UPSET if I got clothes or jewelry or gift cards as birthday presents.  Crazy, right??  I remember the excitement on my face when I would see that fun wrapping paper, rip it off without abandon…and then see a gift box with the Limited Too brand blazing across the front.  I would of course emit the appropriate “oh this is great, thank you”s as I saw fit, but I didn't really MEAN it.  Oh no.  I would have much rather ripped off that wrapping paper to find a Toys R Us gift box, or the New Kids on the Block board game (yes, that was actually a thing, and yes, I received it as a present one year, to which I was rather excited).

I’m not quite sure when that all changed.  I want to say maybe my 9th or 10th birthday?  But much like my perspective on several other topics has changed over the years (Nickelodeon, MTV, The Real World (and the Real World/Road Rules Challenge), short shorts, tanning, cute boys without real jobs still trying to “find themselves”…oh, I could go on and on, but I won’t bore you), the items that caused excitement and happiness when I was 7 didn't offer up the same pizzazz in my later years.

And then I realized that the teacher me ALSO now has a totally different outlook on certain things.  Here’s just a small sampling…

Rain

What it meant to 8-year-old me:  Water that falls from the sky.  Sometimes slight disappointment, as being a Florida child, it meant that pool time might be delayed a bit (but being a Florida child, I knew that the monsoon-like thunderstorm would last for the whole of 5 minutes, and then give way to sunny skies).

What it means to me as a teacher: 

 F&$@!-in’ indoor recess!  When all I want is for kids to have the opportunity to run around and get some of their pent up energy out (sans Fidget Spinners), their recess time is instead spent in my classroom.  The ones that choose run-around time  get a stern verbal warning from me (“Do NOT run in the classroom!”), and then sulk away to play a half-hearted game of CandyLand or Chutes and Ladders.  My classroom, while it did not start as the epitome of cleanliness, is left immensely messier, what with misfit glue stick caps, random playing pieces from board games (where IS the little dog from Monopoly?!), and tiny pieces of paper in odd spots (because why wouldn't you want to see just how many times you can cut up one piece of paper?).
[On a “I’m not totally heartless” note…I do enjoy seeing kids getting to express their creative side.  One of my favorite things to watch is kids using whiteboards, paper, and clipboards to play school.]

Mini-pencil sharpeners

What it meant to 8-year old me:  Now I don't need to raise my hand to ask to use the pencil sharpener!   I can just use this handy little thing shaped like a unicorn to sharpen my pencil into a little nub.  This is also something to keep my hands busy instead of paying attention to the teacher.

What it means to me as a teacher:  Kids randomly getting up to empty pencil shavings into the trash.  Loud noises as kids accidentally knock their pencil sharpeners off their desks, prompting the rest of the class to look over to see what made that little ping…ping…pinging noise.  Did I mention pencil shavings everywhere?
And more crappy little toys that will either end up on the floor to be swept up by the custodian into oblivion, or get taken by me to never be seen or heard from again.

The Scholastic Book Fair

What it meant to 8-year-old me:

Could there BE a better time of the year???  Oh, I loved nothing more than bringing in my dollars saved from my weekly allowance (or, begging my mom for just a few dollars that morning) to buy the funnest things EVER!  Of COURSE I needed a poster of a cat that said “Hang in there,” a bookmark with a cupcake that said “So many books, so little time,” and a journal with a lock and key with a rainbow on the front.  And books?  Yeah, if I had any money left after purchasing the above-named necessities, I suppose I could buy a book or two.  There MUST be a new Sweet Valley Twins or Babysitter’s Club out by now.  And oh, how grown-up did I feel, walking around wth money to spend.  I suppose Scholastic Book Fairs are the precursor to getting dropped off at the mall with $20 and spending it all on crap in Claire’s, Spencer’s Gifts, or Hot Topic.

What it means to me as a teacher:  *Groan*  I know Book Fairs are meant to bring money into the school.  So yeah, that’s a good thing.  But for a second, I just want to be “complainy” teacher and explain how it’s just one more thing for teachers to worry about…

8:03 am
Student hurries into the classroom.  Throws backpack on desk and runs over.  “Can I go to the Book Fair?”
Me:  “Yes, once you get unpacked, that would be fine.  But you MUST be back when the bell
        rings at 8:15.”
Student:  Throwing backpack into a cubby.  “Ok, yeah, I’ll be back at 8:15.”

8:46am
Student strolls in, carrying a poster and a bag of other purchases (later revealed to be 3 erasers, an invisible ink pen, a tiny notebook, and the latest Captain Underpants book).  “I’m sorry I’m late, but the line was really really long.”
Me:  “That’s fine.  I understand.  So long as you understand that you are no longer allowed to go
        to the Book Fair before school.”
(OMG, I am just the meanest teacher EVER!!!)
Student then proceeds to try every which way to fit his poster into his backpack, until I ask if he’d like for me to hold onto it until the end of the day.

8:51am
Back to teaching.

11:14am (1 minute before we’re supposed to leave for recess)
Student:  “Can I bring my notebook and pen out to recess??”
Me:  “That’s fine,  as long as you are aware that it’s your responsibility.”
Student: “Ok, yes, my responsibility.”

11:26am (6 minutes after recess begins)
Student: “Can I leave my notebook here with you?”
Me: (invisible eye roll) “That’s fine, but you need to remember to take it in.  I’m not carrying it for you.”

2:16 (recess has been over for 2 hours and 26 minutes; I am currently in the middle of a math lesson on rounding)
Student:  (waving hand frantically in the air)  Mrs! Mrs!
Me: (after a few moments) “Yes?”
Student: “I left my notebook and pen outside.  Can I pleeeeaaaaaasssseee go out and get it.”
Me: (frustrated sigh) “I will send you once this lesson is complete and we are ready to pack up.”
(Again, like I said, meanest teacher EVER!!)

Summer

What it meant to 8-year-old me:  The best time of the year!!  So much time to go to the pool, and stay up late, and wake up late, and go to camp, and see movies at the actual movie theatre, and make pancakes for breakfast…and oh so much MORE!!  Could there BE a better time of the year??

What it means to me as a teacher:  SLEEP.  And not lesson planning.  And not grading.  And pretending I don’t know my students when I see them at the pool.  Could there BE a better time of the year??

Everything I Need to Know About Teaching...I Learned in a Restaurant, Part 2

One of my very best friends is a born teacher.  Like, she knew she wanted to be a teacher pretty much from the moment she came out of the womb.  So that’s why she was already in her 2nd year of teaching while I was asking strangers “frozen or on the rocks?”  Not that I’m complaining…it was quite nice to sleep until 10 on weekdays and not have to take my job home with me…but I digress.

This friend and I also had something else in common:  we very much enjoyed frequenting bars, clubs, and restaurants that served alcohol.  Sometimes during happy hour.  And since happy hour is the same time that many families sit down to eat dinner and ask their children about their day, there were times that she would receive a phone call from a parent of one of her students while we were out and about.  And being in the same vicinity as her, I was privy to listening in on her end of the conversation.  Which sounded a lot like this:

Friend and I:  (indistinct chatter about inappropriate bawdy details of people sitting around us)
Phone rings
Friend: (regular voice) “Motherf*$%er, it’s a parent.  Sonofabitch, don't they know I might be busy right now??” (Groan)
Friend:  (with a voice sweeter than the southern sweet tea from Bojangles). “Hello?  Oh no, this is not a bad time at all.”  Eye roll, inappropriate hand gesture.  “How can I be of assistance to you?”
Me:  (laughter as I order another drink)

I was always so amazed at how easily she was able to switch from “Fun, bawdy, inappropriate” friend, able to come up with a sarcastic comment at the drop of a hat, to the sweet, kind,  professional teacher in a matter of seconds.

Not that I’m completely new to this version of voice-changing magic.  I would often consider myself a chameleon when it came to waiting on a wide variety of customers.  Group of guys in business suits?  Why, share a few golf jokes and perhaps some small talk about football.  Group of frat guys?  Football and fantasy football talk would abound.  Family with well-behaved kids?  Much quieter approach, and of course taking the time to ask the kids what grade they might be in and what kinds of books they might like to read.  Table of woman?  Much quieter approach, perhaps jumping at the opportunity to share my insight on reality TV or good bars to hit later on.  Now, this is nothing to say of the transformation I make from BOH (back-of-house—not in front of customers) to FOH (front-of-house—in front of customers).

BOH me (perhaps talking to the chef, which, side note…chefs are some of THE most hilariously inappropriate people I have ever had the pleasure of exchanging words with):  “This f!@%er at table 8 wants his steak medium plus.  And I was like, ‘what the f!@%,’ right??  Just  grow some balls and order it medium-well like a normal person.”

FOH me (talking to a table):  “And for you sir, 8 oz. filet, medium plus.  The chef took special care to make sure your filet was just right (he didn’t), so please be sure to let me know how it is (please don't).”

I can’t help but be reminded of the scene in Waiting, where Naomi shares her thoughts on making an ice cream sundae for a table (if you’re unfamiliar with that scene, click here: Naomi speaks her mind , but perhaps turn the volume down if you are around kids, as there are a few f-bombs in there)

Now in my 7th-ish year of teaching, I’m realizing this practice has been quite helpful.  Much like changing my approach to frat guys vs. families, I change my approach from 1st graders to 3rd graders, or other teachers on my team to my students.  I don't even have to think about it, it’s an automatic reaction.  Regular voice to teacher voice, teacher voice to regular voice…it’s just part of my collection of weaponry when it comes to speaking with students, parents, and other adults.

August...a teacher's perspective

AUGUST

July is magical.  It's beautiful, albeit a bit hot.  Sundays don't carry the same stigma they do during the school year, and you're not a slave to the clock.
[During the school year...Friend:  What time is it?
                                         Me:  1:37 pm
During the summer...Friend:  What time is it?
                                   Me:  I dunno.  July sometime?]

And then August hits.  It's bittersweet, in many ways.  Bitter because, well damn, you're that much closer to 9pm bedtimes and 5:30 am wake-ups, never mind the scads of responsibilities you're about to take on.  Yet it's also sweet, because it's a little bit exciting.  And you’re so close to fall!   You’re so close to football season, sweater weather, season premieres of you favorite shows (I’m partial to Criminal Minds and Modern Family….oh, I just can’t WAIT for those shows to come back #ilovedrspencerreid)…I could go on and on about the wonders of the fall season (but I won’t).
And then, those school supplies start showing up on store shelves, and you can't help but feel that back-to-school buzz.  Fresh school supplies...ahhhhhhh.  And the new school year also brings fresh beginnings.  You have a fresh set of kiddos, and everything is just...new, and clean, and, well, FRESH.

As the beginning of the school year starts to loom closer and closer, here are a few of my personal tips to make August sweeter rather than bitter-er....is bitterer even a word??  Hmm, maybe I should have used July to brush up on my grammar...

Stock Up

If you are a teacher, you LOVE school supplies.  I know, I get it....I'm not psychic and reading your mind, I just KNOW and UNDERSTAND that excitement.  School supplies are never cheaper than in August.*. This is your chance to stock up!  If you are a K-2 teacher, buy boxes of crayons and markers.  Maybe even go crazy and buy some colored pencils!  Personally, I love getting notebooks.  You can get composition books totally on the cheap, and spirals can go for as little as 10 cents...and sometimes even a penny!

Stock up now.  These items are non-perishable and don't ever expire.  When you get a new student in January, or you need to replenish boxes of worn down or broken crayons, or you get crazy and decide you want 22 matching fluency folders...you'll be glad you happen to have those extra supplies on hand.

Plus, it's just fun to shop for school supplies (says the teacher who also used to think homework was fun...true story).

*I don't think so anyway.  I can't say I've done any studies on the topic, but it just makes sense, right??

Organize and Clean NOW

I'm not going to tell you how to organize your classroom.  You'll have to find your own methods that work for you.  If you want recommendations, Google "Teacher Hacks Buzzfeed," but make sure you have 3-4 hours to kill before going on that scavenger hunt.

But I will say...organize NOW.  Label your manila folders with student names, set up spots where you know you'll need to file papers, whatever is going to make things easier for you come September.  You may promise yourself that you will clean out your cabinets or cubbies every few months (I always did), but let's be real here...Not.  Gonna.  Happen.

Do all the Cutesy Things You Won’t Have Time for During the School Year

Disclaimer:  I love having a THEME for my classroom.
Yes, it’s true.  I blame it on my childhood living in Florida and the fact that I enjoyed theme park weekends on the regular (so much so, in fact, that the staff actually started to recognize us).  But I digress…
I’ve been partial to classroom themes since I began my teaching career.  In fact, it was one of the things that made me excited to start teaching in the first place!  (says my husband, “I know you’re a dork because…”) I’ve decorated with underwater/beach/pirate regalia.  I’ve dabbled with Dr. Seuss and Peanuts characters decorations.  I was even inspired by the Guns ‘N Roses song “Welcome to the Jungle” and created a Jungle-y/Where the Wild Things Are classroom.  This upcoming year, I’m exposing even more of my dorky side and going with a Harry Potter-themed classroom as I make my way up to 3rd grade.
But the more things change, the more they stay the same. Every August, I put a good chunk of time and effort into creating little nuances to bring my classroom theme vision to life…and then I don’t think about it again until I’m taking my decorations down in June.
I like to use the beginning of August NOT thinking about ways to help my students become lifelong learners and successful students (sorry principals)…I have the next 180 school days for that!  No, I use that time to create cutesy fun things…last summer I made personalized reader’s notebooks and painted a bookcase…this summer I am very impressed (shameless plug coming up) with my Harry Potter-inspired wand pencils.

So go ahead and spend time on Pinterest looking for fun classroom-y do-it-yourself projects. Then throw on a DVD (I’ve been watching season 5 of Beverly Hills 90210 the entire summer, and loving every last second of it!) and make those projects come to life.

Relax.  Enjoy August to the Very Last Drop.

Because once the school year starts, relaxing will seem like a distant memory.  Enjoy your Sundays. Watch a movie (I recommend really any Lifetime movie...this is your opportunity to watch that cinematic greatness without feeling guilty!), catch up on DVR without worrying about papers to grade, tests to create, morning work to organize, or lessons to plan.  Sleep in.  Take naps.**  Just enjoy your time sans school responsibilities.

**That is, if you don't have kids.  If you DO have nature's cruel alarm clock, grab whatever sleep you can.

A Teacher's Ode to Summer

Thank you summer, for allowing me to lay on my couch and watch 4 straight hours of Beverly
Hills, 90210

Thank you summer, for reminding me that there is life after a 10pm bedtime.

Thank you summer, for sleep.

Thank you summer, for allowing me to binge on Lifetime movies, without thinking Oooooh, 
I should probably be grading something right now…

Thank you summer, for giving me the opportunity to go to the movies…on a Sunday night…to
 the 11 o’clock showing!

Thank you summer, for giving me more than 15 minutes to eat my lunch.

Thank you summer, for showing me what the gym looks like at 11am on a weekday (seriously,
 what do these people do??  Don’t they have jobs?)

Thank you summer, for reminding me that I actually have a first name, and my first name is not
Mrs., nor is it Teacher.

Thank you summer.  You will be missed.  Let's do this again real soon.  10 months perhaps?