I have a love-hate relationship withs standardized testing. My first foray into this land where #2 pencils go to die was in kindergarten, where I took the C.A.T. (Aka, the California Achievement Test). When I was just a wee kindergartener, I was a bit confused as to why I was going to be taking a test about cats…but then again, I was 5, so a lot of things about school confused me. When I got a bit older, I started to wonder why I took the California Achievement Test, even though I lived in Florida…but again, lots of things about school still confused me.
Regardless, I took that test, and filled in little bubbles below pictures, and I have no idea what I got, because, well…I was 5. So clearly that test meant a lot to me and my education.
And now, some 30 odd years later, the tables have turned, and I’m the one administering what some call “the most fun you can have in 3 hours with a #2 pencil and a test booklet.” In an ironic twist, as now I hold the key to these children’s futures, I sometimes wish I could be the one taking the test. Because being the test administrator is so mind-numbingly boring, at least having passages to read and math problems to figure out would give me something to do.
So if you find yourself as the lucky recipient of the title “test administrator,”don’t fret. This is a great opportunity for you! Not only do you get to enjoy 3 plus hours of blessed blessed silence, but you don’t have to teach today! Hooray! But if you’re still thinking to yourself “Nah, this is still gonna suck…it’s sooooo boring!” I’ve come up with some ways to occupy your mind as you meander through the maze desks placed ever so specifically at least 1 foot apart from each other.
1. See who can make the most intricate structure with only the materials they have in their desk.
When the test is over, students have 2 options:
a. Option 1 is to read a novel. Because clearly, after reading passage after passage for the last 2 hours, kids are going to be chomping at the bit to get to read MORE (Disclaimer: I probably would have chosen this option, had it been presented to me in my test-taking days, as long as I had my trusty Sweet Valley Twins books to keep me occupied).
b. Option 2 is to sleep.
c. And wait, what’s this?? There’s a secret 3rd option?? That’s right! This option is not at all advertised or recommended, yet students still seem to gravitate towards it. Using only the materials they have in or on their desks, students can create random structures. Think of it as MacGyver for kids. I’ve seen one-person games of pickup sticks, a variety of Lincoln Log-type structures, as well as students who’ve fashioned catapults of sorts. As the teacher, your job is to shut this nonsense down at once. But prior to doing so, take a mental note of who would be awarded the prestigious “Rube Goldberg Machine of Excellence” award, and be sure to recommend that student get involved in engineering classes pronto.
2. Count your steps.
a. You’re technically not supposed to wear any sort of wearable technology, so go old school and count how many steps it takes to get from one side of the classroom to the other. And then count how many times you go back and forth. And multiply. See, you can make it into a whole math problem (who says word problems are just for kids??)…”If it takes your teacher 8 steps to walk from one end of the room to the other, and she makes that walk 14 thousand times, then how many minutes until this blasted test is over?”
3. Participate in the Bathroom Olympics (and no, it’s not what you think, though holding your pee SHOULD be an Olympic event, and teachers would win every single time).
a. Kids are going to have to go to the bathroom. But they can only go one at a time. So half the fun is trying to keep a mental note of who needs to go, and who asked first, and who just needs water, and who just wants to get out of the classroom for a hot minute, and who probably REALLY needs to go. I mean, yeah, you can make an actual written list, but what fun is that?? Then, once you send a kid out, that’s when the real mental challenge begins. First of all, make a guess as to how long it will take that kid to return (HINT: Think an average of 5 minutes if there’s no line, about 8-10 minutes if there is a line). Then, keep a running tally of who gets back to the room faster, boys or girls. And before you know it, 45 minutes have flown by! Well, not flown by, but you’re that much closer to your scheduled 3 minute silent stretch break.
So congratulations to you, the lucky winner of this golden opportunity. While sitting (er, standing and walking) inside for the better part of 3 hours is not in my top ten of things I’d like to do on a Friday morning, hopefully you can take these suggestions and turn that frown upside down! And of course, if none of the aforementioned options seem appealing, you can always do what’s expected of you and make sure the kids are bubbling in the right bubbles and not getting misaligned.
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