Teacher Types

DISCLAIMER:  This page is under construction and by NO MEANS finished, because, well, there are always new people to meet and always new coworkers to befriend.  Feel free to add your own teacher types in the comment section.

DISCLAIMER, PART 2:  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Well...kind of.  None of the following is based on any one person.  Rather, each blurb is a mix of a variety of teachers I have worked with.  No offense is meant.  Besides, there are several on this list that I have modeled after me (and it's DEFINITELY not the Pinterest-worthy teacher....seriously, how does she have time to keep her cutesy-cute blogs up-to-date?!?!)

The Pinterest-worthy Teacher

You know this teacher.  You’ve seen this teacher.  You may even follow this teacher on the blog that she somehow has time to keep up-to-date.  If you’re a parent, you love her, because your child is guaranteed to come home with over-the-top cute presents for each major holiday...Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine’s Day...don’t even get me started on Mother’s Day!  If you’re a teacher, you have a love-hate relationship with this one.  You sneak a peek in her room to find out what sorts of cutesy things she has going on, and think that maybe you can do something like that with your class.  But when you walk by her bulletin board, you think “Now that has got to be the best bulletin board ever.  When did she even have time to put this together??”

The I’m Just Ready to Retire Teacher

Yeah, you know this one.  She might be the polar opposite of the Pinterest-worthy teacher.  If you’re a parent, you may have actually had this teacher years ago (and there’s a good chance she had the same crummy attitude back then, too).  This one is resistant to change, and every year brings out the same holiday bins with the same holiday games and the same holiday activities.  As a parent, you just know you’re going to get that handprint turkey for Thanksgiving (and it’s still cute, because it’s your child’s tiny hand…but let’s face it, it’s a handprint turkey), and a coupon book full of “coupons for Mom” for Mother’s Day (slightly cuter).  If you’re a teacher, you dread having this one on your grade level.  She’s like a fun vacuum, and you get to hear at least once a week, “Well, back when I started teaching, we never had to deal with [insert negative comment here].”  You might also have the privilege of hearing “I just have to get through the next ___ years, and then I can retire.”  And you think, “Hmmm, wish that was today [insert secret wink with other teachers here].”  Teachers, if you have this one on your team, I sympathize with you.

The Cheerleader

You definitely know this teacher, because she is at every single school event, decked out in school spirit wear.  Spirit week is her Christmas, Hanukkah, New Year’s, and Halloween, all rolled into one.  Tacky Day?  You know she will show up with mis-matched shoes, socks, probably pants worn under a skirt, and some sort of crazy hair.  Pajama Day?  Yup, there she is in her coziest PJs, robe, and slippers.  As a parent, you may have a love-hate relationship with this one.  You love her unbridled energy, but seriously….another crazy dress-up day?  You can barely keep your own life straight, let alone remembering when your child is supposed to wear their clothes backwards for Backwards Day, or wear a hat with 100 of something for the Hundredth Day of school!  As a teacher, you probably feel somewhat neutral about this one.  You have no idea where she gets all of that energy from (does she have an endless supply of coffee just IVed into her veins??), but you also appreciate the fact that SHE is going to dress up and go all out for events, because that means you won’t have to.

The Negative Nancy (also known as The Debbie Downer)

Sitting down to lunch with this teacher is never a treat.  Money could be falling from the sky, followed by the announcement that the cafeteria is now serving filet mignon and lobster, and her response would be “I can’t believe we didn’t have advance notice about this.  I’ve already packed my lunch and I don’t have any bags to catch all of these dollar bills.  This is so typical of the school system.”  This is a teacher you never enjoy being stuck in the teacher’s lounge with, as she always has something to complain about.  If you are one of those lucky few to get caught in conversation with this one, you’ll have the opportunity to hear about how things were so much better when she began teaching “back in the day.” (and yes, that’s the expression she uses).  Apparently, any behavior problems were immediately addressed with some sort of corporal punishment, academic difficulties were almost nonexistent, and every teacher was blessed with her very own assistant.  This time of rainbows, butterflies, and unicorns sounds so magical, you often wonder why she is always in a bad mood (seeing as she can constantly take imaginary trips back to this time in history). The best advice for dealing with this one…walk away.  Just go.  Pretend you left the laminator on or you need to go pick up your kids from specials and you have to leave this very instant.  Your well-being will thank you.

The Queen of Winning Everything

There are a plethora of silly contests to be had during the school year, and this teacher seems to win every single one of them.  Door decorating contest?  Yup, her door is a work on art, guaranteeing the $10 Target gift card will be awarded to her.  School Eat Out Night?  Her class always has the most in attendance, promising she will win the catered luncheon to her classroom the following week.  You don’t hate this teacher, but you wonder how she always happens to win EVERY DAMN TIME.  In fact, there’s no point in even TRYING to compete, because your attempts just prove futile.  You secretly hope she will move, or retire, or have a baby so she will be out for 6 months; this would open up the opportunity for a new reign to begin, hopefully allowing you to slide your way into that comfy spot.  In the meantime, you are happy to put in minimal effort to show your school spirit in the way of contests, because you know this one will pick up the slack until the next contest comes around.