The Joys of Standardized Testing

I have a love-hate relationship withs standardized testing.  My first foray into this land where #2 pencils go to die was in kindergarten, where I took the C.A.T. (Aka, the California Achievement Test). When I was just a wee kindergartener, I was a bit confused as to why I was going to be taking a test about cats…but then again, I was 5, so a lot of things about school confused me.  When I got a bit older, I started to wonder why I took the California Achievement Test, even though I lived in Florida…but again, lots of things about school still confused me.

Regardless, I took that test, and filled in little bubbles below pictures, and I have no idea what I got, because, well…I was 5.  So clearly that test meant a lot to me and my education.

And now, some 30 odd years later, the tables have turned, and I’m the one administering what some call “the most fun you can have in 3 hours with a #2 pencil and a test booklet.”  In an ironic twist, as now I hold the key to these children’s futures, I sometimes wish I could be the one taking the test.  Because being the test administrator is so mind-numbingly boring, at least having passages to read and math problems to figure out would give me something to do.

So if you find yourself as the lucky recipient of the title “test administrator,”don’t fret.  This is a great opportunity for you!  Not only do you get to enjoy 3 plus hours of blessed blessed silence, but you don’t have to teach today!  Hooray!  But if you’re still thinking to yourself “Nah, this is still gonna suck…it’s sooooo boring!” I’ve come up with some ways to occupy your mind as you meander through the maze desks placed ever so specifically at least 1 foot apart from each other.

1. See who can make the most intricate structure with only the materials they have in their desk.

When the test is over, students have 2 options:  

a.  Option 1 is to read a novel.  Because clearly, after reading passage after passage for the last 2 hours, kids are going to be chomping at the bit to get to read MORE (Disclaimer:  I probably would have chosen this option, had it been presented to me in my test-taking days,  as long as I had my trusty Sweet Valley Twins books to keep me occupied).

b.  Option 2 is to sleep.

c. And wait, what’s this??  There’s a secret 3rd option??  That’s right!  This option is not at all advertised or recommended, yet students still seem to gravitate towards it.  Using only the materials they have in or on their desks, students can create random structures.  Think of it as MacGyver for kids.  I’ve seen one-person games of pickup sticks, a variety of Lincoln Log-type structures, as well as students who’ve fashioned catapults of sorts.  As the teacher, your job is to shut this nonsense down at once.  But prior to doing so, take a mental note of who would be awarded the prestigious “Rube Goldberg Machine of Excellence” award, and be sure to recommend that student get involved in engineering classes pronto.

2. Count your steps.  

a. You’re technically not supposed to wear any sort of wearable technology, so go old school and count how many steps it takes to get from one side of the classroom to the other.  And then count how many times you go back and forth.  And multiply.  See, you can make it into a whole math problem (who says word problems are just for kids??)…”If it takes your teacher 8 steps to walk from one end of the room to the other, and she makes that walk 14 thousand times, then how many minutes until this blasted test is over?”

3. Participate in the Bathroom Olympics (and no, it’s not what you think, though holding your pee SHOULD be an Olympic event, and teachers would win every single time).  

a. Kids are going to have to go to the bathroom.  But they can only go one at a time.  So half the fun is trying to keep a mental note of who needs to go, and who asked first, and who just needs water, and who just wants to get out of the classroom for a hot minute,  and who probably REALLY needs to go.  I mean, yeah, you can make an actual written list, but what fun is that??  Then, once you send a kid out, that’s when the real mental challenge begins.  First of all, make a guess as to how long it will take that kid to return (HINT: Think an average of 5 minutes if there’s no line, about 8-10 minutes if there is a line).  Then, keep a running tally of who gets back to the room faster, boys or girls.  And before you know it, 45 minutes have flown by! Well, not flown by, but you’re that much closer to your scheduled 3 minute silent stretch break.

So congratulations to you, the lucky winner of this golden opportunity.  While sitting (er, standing and walking) inside for the better part of 3 hours is not in my top ten of things I’d like to do on a Friday morning, hopefully you can take these suggestions and turn that frown upside down!  And of course, if none of the aforementioned options seem appealing, you can always do what’s expected of you and make sure the kids are bubbling in the right bubbles and not getting misaligned.  

Things That Just Don’t Matter as Much in the Summer

Oh summer!  Glorious, glorious summer!  The days are longer—thank you daylight savings—but they seem to fly by so much faster than school days.  And things that seem to matter a fair amount during the school year, just…don’t, over the summer.  Two such things which come to mind are…

My Hair

So, fun fact…my hair is curly.  Wavy, actually, but most certainly not straight.  The funny thing is though is that I didn’t quite realize my hair was curly until around middle school-ish.  So when I would go to the “salon” to get my hair “done,” I begged my mom for a perm.  Actually, if I remember correctly, the service was called a body wave.  (Wow, that just SOUNDS like such an 80s thing).  And the end result…I looked like a poodle.  Maybe that was the result I was looking for?  I’m not sure, I was 7.

When the poofy-poodle-ness eventually wore off, I was in 6th grade, still not sure how to style the mop on my head.  Apparently I still rocked the side-pony (as evidenced by my 6th grade yearbook photo), and maybe I brushed my hair every once in awhile?  The Florida humidity certainly did nothing to calm the frizz-fest that was my hair.  Those were the dark days of hair, so I think I’ve tried to repress those memories.

And then, in 10th grade, something magical happened.  I was shopping with my mom and saw a product simply called a “flat iron.”  The images on the front showed a girl going from curly hair to straight hair.  I was mesmerized.  This magic wand could be mine for the low low price of only $24.99?  Yes please.

And so the downward spiral of using heat to force my hair to do what I wanted it to began.

Fast forward to now.  Flat-irons have come a long way, and are now made with titanium infused ceramic plates and can heat up to 425 degrees.  While I’m pretty sure that’s even hotter than the sun (I don’t teach science, so I’m not quite sure), I barely bat an eyelash at using it 2 to 3 times a week during the school year.  It’s just easier.  And it also keeps me from having to answer the question, “Wow Mrs. Whitford, why is your hair so big?”

But during the summer time?  I think I’ve flattened my hair about 4 times.  Maybe 5.  I dunno, it’s summer, so counting isn’t really important.  Wild, crazy, frizziness?  Bring it on.  I just don’t care.  Or I’ll put on a hat.  Either way, I need to let my flat-iron rest up… just like me.

My FitBit

Can you remember back to a time when the FitBit was not a fashion staple?  Back to a time when steps were just something that helped you get from point A to point B, not something to count and help you engage in competitions with you friends?  Yeah, me either.

My FitBit is now just a part of everyday wear, and I’d feel just as naked without it as I do without my wedding rings (though I’ve had my wedding rings only slightly longer).

Like most, my daily goal is 10,000 steps.  Apparently some doctors or scientists or something somewhere decided that to maintain a healthy lifestyle, one should walk at least 10,000 steps per day (though that goal can be modified to meet your needs very teacher-y thing to say, FYI).  During the school year,  I have no problem meeting or exceeding that goal.  What with walking down the long hallway to my classroom, walking back down the long hallway to go to the copier, walking my kids to specials, walking my kids to lunch, walking my kids to recess, stopping by the office to check my mailbox…that’s not even taking into account the steps taken in and around my classroom (and of course the precious few steps to walk to the restroom when I get a much needed bathroom break).

So 10,000 steps?  Ha, I laugh in the face of that goal!  My daily quota hovers around 13,000, something I revel in taking the chance to tell my husband (I did get about 23,000 the day I went to Disney over spring break; I was pretty proud of that, if I do say so myself).

It seems like I trade my sleep goal for my step goal.  Why sleep when you can be walking, right?  10,000 steps seems like nothing, but 8 hours of sleep?  Ha ha ha, don’t make me laugh.

But during summer?  10,000 steps?  Um…not so much.  Try 5,000-ish, maybe 7,000 on a particularly active day.  I’ve definitely had a few lazy days where I’m struggling to hit even 3,000 steps.
 (those DVDs of 90210 aren’t gonna binge watch themselves!)

But ya know what?  It’s all good, cuz I know come August, I’ll be making up for my lack of steps.  And my step goal and sleep goal will once again trade places.