Everything I Need to Know About Teaching...I Learned in a Restaurant, Part 2

One of my very best friends is a born teacher.  Like, she knew she wanted to be a teacher pretty much from the moment she came out of the womb.  So that’s why she was already in her 2nd year of teaching while I was asking strangers “frozen or on the rocks?”  Not that I’m complaining…it was quite nice to sleep until 10 on weekdays and not have to take my job home with me…but I digress.

This friend and I also had something else in common:  we very much enjoyed frequenting bars, clubs, and restaurants that served alcohol.  Sometimes during happy hour.  And since happy hour is the same time that many families sit down to eat dinner and ask their children about their day, there were times that she would receive a phone call from a parent of one of her students while we were out and about.  And being in the same vicinity as her, I was privy to listening in on her end of the conversation.  Which sounded a lot like this:

Friend and I:  (indistinct chatter about inappropriate bawdy details of people sitting around us)
Phone rings
Friend: (regular voice) “Motherf*$%er, it’s a parent.  Sonofabitch, don't they know I might be busy right now??” (Groan)
Friend:  (with a voice sweeter than the southern sweet tea from Bojangles). “Hello?  Oh no, this is not a bad time at all.”  Eye roll, inappropriate hand gesture.  “How can I be of assistance to you?”
Me:  (laughter as I order another drink)

I was always so amazed at how easily she was able to switch from “Fun, bawdy, inappropriate” friend, able to come up with a sarcastic comment at the drop of a hat, to the sweet, kind,  professional teacher in a matter of seconds.

Not that I’m completely new to this version of voice-changing magic.  I would often consider myself a chameleon when it came to waiting on a wide variety of customers.  Group of guys in business suits?  Why, share a few golf jokes and perhaps some small talk about football.  Group of frat guys?  Football and fantasy football talk would abound.  Family with well-behaved kids?  Much quieter approach, and of course taking the time to ask the kids what grade they might be in and what kinds of books they might like to read.  Table of woman?  Much quieter approach, perhaps jumping at the opportunity to share my insight on reality TV or good bars to hit later on.  Now, this is nothing to say of the transformation I make from BOH (back-of-house—not in front of customers) to FOH (front-of-house—in front of customers).

BOH me (perhaps talking to the chef, which, side note…chefs are some of THE most hilariously inappropriate people I have ever had the pleasure of exchanging words with):  “This f!@%er at table 8 wants his steak medium plus.  And I was like, ‘what the f!@%,’ right??  Just  grow some balls and order it medium-well like a normal person.”

FOH me (talking to a table):  “And for you sir, 8 oz. filet, medium plus.  The chef took special care to make sure your filet was just right (he didn’t), so please be sure to let me know how it is (please don't).”

I can’t help but be reminded of the scene in Waiting, where Naomi shares her thoughts on making an ice cream sundae for a table (if you’re unfamiliar with that scene, click here: Naomi speaks her mind , but perhaps turn the volume down if you are around kids, as there are a few f-bombs in there)

Now in my 7th-ish year of teaching, I’m realizing this practice has been quite helpful.  Much like changing my approach to frat guys vs. families, I change my approach from 1st graders to 3rd graders, or other teachers on my team to my students.  I don't even have to think about it, it’s an automatic reaction.  Regular voice to teacher voice, teacher voice to regular voice…it’s just part of my collection of weaponry when it comes to speaking with students, parents, and other adults.

August...a teacher's perspective

AUGUST

July is magical.  It's beautiful, albeit a bit hot.  Sundays don't carry the same stigma they do during the school year, and you're not a slave to the clock.
[During the school year...Friend:  What time is it?
                                         Me:  1:37 pm
During the summer...Friend:  What time is it?
                                   Me:  I dunno.  July sometime?]

And then August hits.  It's bittersweet, in many ways.  Bitter because, well damn, you're that much closer to 9pm bedtimes and 5:30 am wake-ups, never mind the scads of responsibilities you're about to take on.  Yet it's also sweet, because it's a little bit exciting.  And you’re so close to fall!   You’re so close to football season, sweater weather, season premieres of you favorite shows (I’m partial to Criminal Minds and Modern Family….oh, I just can’t WAIT for those shows to come back #ilovedrspencerreid)…I could go on and on about the wonders of the fall season (but I won’t).
And then, those school supplies start showing up on store shelves, and you can't help but feel that back-to-school buzz.  Fresh school supplies...ahhhhhhh.  And the new school year also brings fresh beginnings.  You have a fresh set of kiddos, and everything is just...new, and clean, and, well, FRESH.

As the beginning of the school year starts to loom closer and closer, here are a few of my personal tips to make August sweeter rather than bitter-er....is bitterer even a word??  Hmm, maybe I should have used July to brush up on my grammar...

Stock Up

If you are a teacher, you LOVE school supplies.  I know, I get it....I'm not psychic and reading your mind, I just KNOW and UNDERSTAND that excitement.  School supplies are never cheaper than in August.*. This is your chance to stock up!  If you are a K-2 teacher, buy boxes of crayons and markers.  Maybe even go crazy and buy some colored pencils!  Personally, I love getting notebooks.  You can get composition books totally on the cheap, and spirals can go for as little as 10 cents...and sometimes even a penny!

Stock up now.  These items are non-perishable and don't ever expire.  When you get a new student in January, or you need to replenish boxes of worn down or broken crayons, or you get crazy and decide you want 22 matching fluency folders...you'll be glad you happen to have those extra supplies on hand.

Plus, it's just fun to shop for school supplies (says the teacher who also used to think homework was fun...true story).

*I don't think so anyway.  I can't say I've done any studies on the topic, but it just makes sense, right??

Organize and Clean NOW

I'm not going to tell you how to organize your classroom.  You'll have to find your own methods that work for you.  If you want recommendations, Google "Teacher Hacks Buzzfeed," but make sure you have 3-4 hours to kill before going on that scavenger hunt.

But I will say...organize NOW.  Label your manila folders with student names, set up spots where you know you'll need to file papers, whatever is going to make things easier for you come September.  You may promise yourself that you will clean out your cabinets or cubbies every few months (I always did), but let's be real here...Not.  Gonna.  Happen.

Do all the Cutesy Things You Won’t Have Time for During the School Year

Disclaimer:  I love having a THEME for my classroom.
Yes, it’s true.  I blame it on my childhood living in Florida and the fact that I enjoyed theme park weekends on the regular (so much so, in fact, that the staff actually started to recognize us).  But I digress…
I’ve been partial to classroom themes since I began my teaching career.  In fact, it was one of the things that made me excited to start teaching in the first place!  (says my husband, “I know you’re a dork because…”) I’ve decorated with underwater/beach/pirate regalia.  I’ve dabbled with Dr. Seuss and Peanuts characters decorations.  I was even inspired by the Guns ‘N Roses song “Welcome to the Jungle” and created a Jungle-y/Where the Wild Things Are classroom.  This upcoming year, I’m exposing even more of my dorky side and going with a Harry Potter-themed classroom as I make my way up to 3rd grade.
But the more things change, the more they stay the same. Every August, I put a good chunk of time and effort into creating little nuances to bring my classroom theme vision to life…and then I don’t think about it again until I’m taking my decorations down in June.
I like to use the beginning of August NOT thinking about ways to help my students become lifelong learners and successful students (sorry principals)…I have the next 180 school days for that!  No, I use that time to create cutesy fun things…last summer I made personalized reader’s notebooks and painted a bookcase…this summer I am very impressed (shameless plug coming up) with my Harry Potter-inspired wand pencils.

So go ahead and spend time on Pinterest looking for fun classroom-y do-it-yourself projects. Then throw on a DVD (I’ve been watching season 5 of Beverly Hills 90210 the entire summer, and loving every last second of it!) and make those projects come to life.

Relax.  Enjoy August to the Very Last Drop.

Because once the school year starts, relaxing will seem like a distant memory.  Enjoy your Sundays. Watch a movie (I recommend really any Lifetime movie...this is your opportunity to watch that cinematic greatness without feeling guilty!), catch up on DVR without worrying about papers to grade, tests to create, morning work to organize, or lessons to plan.  Sleep in.  Take naps.**  Just enjoy your time sans school responsibilities.

**That is, if you don't have kids.  If you DO have nature's cruel alarm clock, grab whatever sleep you can.

A Teacher's Ode to Summer

Thank you summer, for allowing me to lay on my couch and watch 4 straight hours of Beverly
Hills, 90210

Thank you summer, for reminding me that there is life after a 10pm bedtime.

Thank you summer, for sleep.

Thank you summer, for allowing me to binge on Lifetime movies, without thinking Oooooh, 
I should probably be grading something right now…

Thank you summer, for giving me the opportunity to go to the movies…on a Sunday night…to
 the 11 o’clock showing!

Thank you summer, for giving me more than 15 minutes to eat my lunch.

Thank you summer, for showing me what the gym looks like at 11am on a weekday (seriously,
 what do these people do??  Don’t they have jobs?)

Thank you summer, for reminding me that I actually have a first name, and my first name is not
Mrs., nor is it Teacher.

Thank you summer.  You will be missed.  Let's do this again real soon.  10 months perhaps?

Everything I Ever Needed to Know About Teaching...I Learned in a Restaurant, Part 1

One of my career aspirations was to be a waitress.  At T.G.I. Friday's.  Oh yes, I set my sights high.  I was just in awe of those uniforms.  So many cool pins, and hats, and FLAIR! I even remember playing restaurant and pretending to be a waitress with my tiny notepad.  I was so cool.  Don’t be jealous.

Unlike my myriad of other career aspirations (actress, fashion designer, singer), I actually achieved this one.  For a long time actually…perhaps longer than I had originally had intended, but whatever.  I began my restaurant career at a theme restaurant in Orlando as a hostess.  From there, I moved on to a popular chicken wing establishment, a few other theme restaurants, and some fine dining places thrown in the mix.  I loved it.  I thrived on it.  I met some awesome people.  I still firmly believe that restaurant people are some of the best people EVER.

But all good things must come to an end.  I still pick up a random restaurant shift every once in awhile, but tips are no longer my major source of income.  No, that honor belongs to the school district, or the government, or…well, to be honest, I actually don’t know WHO writes my my monthly checks, but some money is direct deposited into my account each month, and I think that is just fantastic.  Thanks teaching!

While I no longer put “waitress” or “server” on the line next to employment, I am forever grateful to my days (and nights) in the restaurant business.  In fact, I learned SO MUCH from my various restaurant jobs that I put to good use in the classroom.  For example…

How to Eat Really Fast

On paper, teachers get an average of 20 minutes for lunch time.  And this seems like a good chunk of time, enough to allow you to eat at a fairly leisurely pace.  But then you have to account for life:
*Subtract 1 minute as you wait for the kids from the previous class to vacate and clean the table.
*Subtract 2 minutes as you help a student who forgot his lunch number pay for his food.
*Subtract the 1 minute it takes to walk from the lunch room, stop at your mailbox, and get to the staff lounge.
*Subtract 2 minutes for the time it takes to run back to your classroom because you forgot your water bottle (insert appropriate #smh motion here).
*Subtract the 30 seconds it takes to walk from the staff lounge back to the lunch room and pick up your kids.

*Subtract 3 minutes as you get your class up and remind the appropriate students of their weekly responsibility to wipe down the table an sweep up under the table.

So that leisurely 20 minutes has now dwindled to negative 2 minutes.  No, only kidding.  Rather, 20 minutes is now roughly 10 and a half minutes, give or take a few to account for random emergencies that pop up (a parent wants to have a mini-conference with you as you drop your kids off, a student loses a tooth, this is now the end of the world, and they need you to walk them to the nurse ASAP, etc. etc.), but also for those days when everything goes right (think of it as making every green light as you drive to work) and you have *gasp* 15 whole minutes to yourself.

Granted, I shouldn’t complain, as I’ve had a fair amount of practice with, uh, abbreviated lunch times.
A server’s lunch break is usually…
2:00pm:  Order food from the kitchen because the lunch rush is over.
2:08-2:10 pm:  Get four brand-new tables in a span of 2 minutes.
2:11pm:  Watch as ordered food arrives in the window.
2:12-2:30pm:  Gaze longingly at said ordered food as you take care of your four new tables.
2:30-2:33pm:  Bring your food to the back and shove it into your mouth before your tables need anything.

Oh, and of course there is the joy of hearing the rumor that there might be "dead food" in the back.  In server speak, this means that there is some food that has been prepared and is no longer needed, or, “bonus food,” as I like to refer to it.  When this happens, severs immediately become vultures and descend on said food, until it is nothing more than an empty plate in a matter of mere minutes.

Oh, so pleather pants aren't appropriate to wear to school? Ever?

I thank my lucky stars every day that Facebook wasn’t around in my college years, as it would have been a scrapbook for all sorts of bad decisions, highlighted by pictures of me in my club-going gear.  Nary was there a night out from 2002 to 2005 where I thought it would be a good idea to cover up my stomach or to not wear a lace top with only a black bra underneath (thank you Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera for being my fashion icons).  Ah college memories…

But I digress…

Suffice to say, when I got my real-person-grown-up job, I had a bit of closet-cleaning to do.  Apparently it’s not appropriate to wear pleather pants and a Lycra top to school (I know, right??  I was just as surprised as you!).  While I am fairly embarrassed to say that I wore the above-named “pleather bonanza” outfit to more than one ‘N Sync concert because I was under the impression that I was dressed “nicely,” it soon became apparent that I had to retrain my brain as to what was considered a “nice outfit,” and also “school appropriate.”

If you are currently going through the same dilemma that I went through, this “Is My Outfit School Appropriate?” Flow chart may be of some assistance.

Now, while I think men are super—granted, I have a husband, and he’s a pretty cool guy (I mean, to put up with me, he’s gotta be, bless his heart), and I also have several male celebrity crushes (Justin Timberlake, Zac Efron, I won’t bore you with my whole list)—the thing is though, I am not a man.  To quote Elaine from Seinfeld, “I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things!”  So I kinda know a little bit about men’s clothes, but not really all that much.  And while teaching is a predominantly female field (don’t jump down my throat, I’m not being sexist, it just is), there are a good number of phenomenal male teachers.  For such folk, I also have created the “Is My Outfit School Appropriate?” Male Edition flow chart.  To their credit, guys are usually pretty good about dressing for school, but just in case…

There is one addendum, one trump card if you will:  Spirit Days!  For some teachers, it brings about feelings of annoyance and dread (“kids are crazy every day, they don’t need any reason to start acting CRAZIER!”).  I am not one of those teachers.  I love spirit days!  Any chance to wear pajamas to school is a good day in my book.  On spirit days, the majority of the above rules don't apply (pleather pants are always a no-go, just FYI).  So go all out on spirit days, you have my permission…just make sure you’re fairly covered up and your PJ pants aren’t made of material that is so thin it’s almost see-through (true story).

A Small Sampling of the Weird Things Kids Do

I was a weird kid.  Well, to be honest, I’m a fairly weird adult.  But as a child…definitely one of the, uh, different ones.  I once got a stick of clay (not quite sure how…perhaps I stole it from the art room?  I wouldn't put it past me) and used it to make a home for my invisible friend Odda that lived in my desk.  I of course would check on it often, just to see how Odda was doing and make sure his home had not been subject to a flash earthquake or a surprise desk cleaning.  But I digress…

Kids do some odd things.  But apparently, these odd things are actually…normal.  A few things you might find in your classroom.

Tiny Pencils

Every year, it seems as though I have kids who almost fight to have the tiniest of the tiny pencils.  This little speck of wood that really should have been thrown away 4 inches ago SOMEHOW finds its way back into its owner’s pencil case.  Whereas a normal-sized pencil looks like this…

Apparently it’s comfortable, and perhaps somehow a status symbol, to use a pencil that looks more like this:

Oh, I know you’ve seen this tiny wonder.  An inch, or perhaps even a centimeter of yellow, the eraser nothing more than a nub.  The truly impressive ones don’t have any yellow, and are rather the metal casing that holds the eraser and a bit of pencil lead.  Just looking at these makes my hand cramp up with sympathy pains, yet these pencils are used until they can no longer even make it far enough into the pencil sharpener to get sharpened, and sometimes even THAT does not stop them.  My point is, there’s no stopping them.  They will show up every year, like that concert tee that you just CAN’T get rid of because it reminds you of the good times you had jamming out to Tiffany or New Kids on the Block (true story).  You can always try to implement the Tiny Pencil Museum (thank you GroveGuy for this idea:  http://thegroveguy.blogspot.com/2014/05/tiny-pencil-museum.html) , but even that takes some upkeep.  Choose your battles.  Look, shake your head, roll your eyes in that teacher-y waythat seems to convey the “Seriously?!  This again?! Look, and move on to the next baffler…

Using Paper Clips as Non-Paper Clips

I suppose I can empathize with this one.  I once decided to make my own jewelry.  Now, keep in mind, this was waaaaay before the days of Esty and Pinterest, and I was 8, so my jewelry looked more like, uh, junk.  But I was a determined little child, spurred on by the likes of Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead,  and thought that paper clips would just make the BEST earrings.  So I tinkered and toiled and bent and finagled, until I had earrings that threaded through my earring holes by way of a paper clip spoke, and hung down to my shoulders.  Basically, I had connected about 5 different-colored paper clips, and stuck one of them through my ear.  High class personified, if I did so say myself.  Rushing to show my mom, she immediately told me to take the monstrosities out of my ears, because they could get infected (every mother’s excuse *sigh*), and thus my days of jewelry making were over.

My point is, I kind of get the appeal that paper clips present to youngsters.  I suppose there’s something about having pliable metal literally in your fingertips that is extremely enticing.  And kids will find paper clips.  Everywhere.  Even when you think you’ve disposed of them all, they just…show up.  The only feasible explanation is that once boxes of paper clips enter a school building, they are somehow bewitched to never end up in the trash can, but rather in little nooks and crannies of classrooms (under the carpet is a popular spot, just FYI).  And kids will find them.  And play with them.  Once a paper clip enters a child's hands, it becomes a fascinating piece of equipment that one can bend, unbend, bend, unbend, bend….usually during a lesson, mind you.  It is now no  longer a paper clip, but rather a bendy little poking device.  Kids will use these amazing contraptions to perform all sorts of tricks, most notably seeing how many times they can poke their neighbor without their neighbor noticing OR getting caught by the teacher (think of this as The Game of Chicken, Jr. Edition).  They use them to scrape out their nails (cue gagging noise), poke at scabs (again, cue gagging noise), and lightly scrape designs into their skin (predecessor to tattoos, perhaps?).  Consider these office supplies an indicator of a child’s inventiveness and creativity, work on developing a strong stomach, and just wordlessly pick them up out of children’s hands when you see them (sanitizing your own hands immediately after, of course).

First Day Jitters, and Other Such Issues

The First Day of School

Regardless of whether you’ve been teaching for 1 year, 10 years, or 50 years (and if you’ve been teaching for 50 years, then damn…my hat is off to you), the first day of school still evokes those nervous little butterflies.  And OH, the PREPARATION!  I still set my clothes out the night before (and let’s be honest…my first day outfit has been picked out for a week at least…something very teacher-y, of course), and have my lunch all ready to go.  But as much as you can prepare, the first day is nerve-wracking.  For reasons I never even THOUGHT of before I entered the teaching world.  Here are a few thoughts to get you over that first day hump.

Dress to Impress

You’ve heard the clichés:  dress for the job you want, not the job you have (so why don’t we all dress like Batman or Superwoman??), clothes make the man, never underestimate the power of a good outfit on a bad day, etc. etc.  But the thing is, it’s true.  If you look good, odds are, you probably feel good.  So find something that you love to wear, but still make sure to…

Test It Out
One of my absolute favorite outfits consists of a button-down shirt and a pencil skirt.  Which is great.  It looks professional, and I feel oh-so-good every time wear it.  So I chose it as a first day outfit.  Which was also great…until it was time to sit cross-cross applesauce on the carpet.  Not so great.  There is a LOT of carpet time in the younger grades (and some in the upper grades), so make sure your clothes allow you the freedom to sit on the ground.  And while we’re at it, ladies, do the cleavage test (Step 1:  Choose a top.  Step 2:  Put it on.  Step 3:  Bend over.  Step 4:  Ask yourself, “Can I see my cleavage, or worse yet, my bra?”  Step 5:   If the answer is no, then congratulations, you have passed the cleavage test!  If the answer is yes, so sorry, back to Step 1 for you.) and the tummy check (gone are the days of the Britney Spears era where showing your stomach was considered normal…if you raise your arms and a good bit of your stomach shows, choose something else).

Wear Comfortable Shoes…or at least, BRING Comfortable Shoes
I am one of the worst offenders of this.  Being only 5’…maybe 5’1” on a good day…I like to wear shoes that give me a little lift.  But by 10am, my little toesies are crying out in pain, and the only thought on my mind is “When the f@!$ can I take this damn shoes off of my feet?!?!”  Be it the blisters that develop every few minutes, or the constant pressure on the balls of my feet, by 11am, I am convinced that the Devil has created these evil evil things, and I can’t wait until specials so I can release my feet from their prison and let them breathe.  So here’s a compromise:  wear your fancy shoes in the morning, as this is when parents will be walking their little ones in, and you want to make sure you look extra nice.  CHANGE into your flip flops sometime before lunch.  Then, put your fancy shoes back on for dismissal.  No one will ever be the wiser (and if a student asks why you are now wearing flip flops, tell them that these are your secret magical teaching shoes).

Plan, Plan, and Overplan

Trust me.  It’s better to have too much than not enough.  But while you’re gathering your lesson ideas…

Don’t Even Bother Teaching Academics the First Day
I must say, this was a surprise to me.  But the first day is not to get your kids ready to learn the great teachings of Pythagoras.  Nope, the first day is to get your kids used to you, and to get you used to them.  Think of it as dipping your foot into a pool.  You want to get an idea of how the water feels first before you go in for the real thing.

Behavior
I always hit behavior hard the first few weeks…a good teacher once told me that “you can have the best lesson in the world, but if the kids won’t listen to you, it won’t even matter.”  BE CONSISTENT with this, and MODEL CORRECT BEHAVIOR.  If you don’t want your kids talking in the hallway, then you damn well better not be talking in the hallway yourself.  There are so many other things to say about behavior that I could write a book on it (and there are several for sale at your local Barnes and Noble or on Amazon), so I won’t bore you with that right now.  But I can’t stress enough the need to start off strict and consistent; if you start off this way, the kids will know exactly what to expect.

Supplies
While you're not teaching any academic stuff, use the first day to organize school supplies.  Kids LOVE school supplies, especially new, fresh, clean ones.  I also love school supplies, so this is just as exciting for me as it is for them.  I find it helpful to have spaces already set aside as to where you will put things (a spot for tissues, a spot for plastic baggies, a spot for notebooks, etc. etc.).  Have the kiddos label their own notebooks and whatnot that they will be keeping inside their desks.  For younger grades, GET RID OF CRAYON BOXES.  Dump those crayons right into the pencil case, along with markers, colored pencil, and glue sticks.  I prefer leaving pencils right on the desk in these beautiful desk plates (http://www.lakeshorelearning.com/product/productDet.jsp?productItemID=1%2C689%2C949%2C371%2C928%2C381&ASSORTMENT%3C%3East_id=1408474395181113&bmUID=1468078065531),  but I’ve also hot glued old soup cans to desks to serve as personal pencil cups (a bitch a clean off at the end of the school year—thank you Goo Gone) if you don’t want to spend the money.
BONUS:  Setting up materials usually takes up a big chunk of time!

Now What to Do With Them?

Everyone has their own old faithfuls that they rely on for beginning of the year activities.  I’ve found it most helpful to just have a pile of stuff ready to go, so you can just pick and choose what will fit in your time frame.  Scour Pinterest, Teachers Pay Teachers, Google, and just look for first day activities.  Some of my tried and true favorites are…

Jitter Juice
I got this adorable activity from TPT, included in this pack:
 https://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Product/Super-in-Second-Beginning-of-the-Year-Activities-for-2nd-Grade-145341 and oh my goodness, did my kiddos LOVE it!  It goes right along with the book First Day Jitters, which most kids have already heard, but this Jitter Juice brings it to a whole new level.

Wrinkled Heart
This is most certainly not new; the first time I encountered this gem was when I did my student teaching, and it really struck me!  The only caveat is that several kids may have already participated in this activity (“We did this LAST year!”).  You can tack this on to the end of your behavior lessons, or leave it as a standalone.  It usually drives the point home pretty well.  There are many many links to different ways to do this lesson, but this blog is one of my absolute favorites: http://firstgradewow.blogspot.com/2012/09/its-hard-to-fix-wrinkled-heart.html. If you’re worried that too many kids have already encountered this one, you can also do the Toothpaste Squirt lesson, shown here:  http://corkboardconnections.blogspot.com/2013/10/teaching-children-not-to-be-rude.html. It conveys a similar message, though you will be wasting a tube of toothpaste in the process.

Graph the Most Random Things
All you need for this activity are sticky notes, and possibly a piece of chart paper.  Have kids write THEIR NAME ONLY (this is also a good indicator of who can follow directions, wink wink) on the sticky note, and then pose a survey question.  You can ask about a favorite summer activity, favorite sweet treat, what they did on their summer vacation, etc. etc.  Draw a chart on the board or the chart paper with the different answer choices.  Have kids come up a few at a time to put their sticky under their answer choice.  You can then do different math-y activities with this…how many people answered the survey question in all?  How many people liked ___?  Which one did the most people choose?  How many more people liked _____ than ______?  You can graph a few different things if you’d like, or you can use them as a warm-up to…

Graph the Number of Letters in Our Names
I usually tie this one in to Chrysanthemum, which is another book that most kids have heard ad nauseum.  After reading the book, have kids write the number of letters in their name on their sticky (reuse the ones from before), and graph the number of letters (you can also use a line plot to do this if you want to get fancy!).  You’ll find that most kids have between 5 and 7 letters, but it can usually lead to some interesting discussions.  See where this one takes you.

Bottom line…keep ‘em busy with activities that can somehow apply to school-type things.

Above All, Remember That They Are Just As Nervous As You Are

They ARE just kids, after all.  But feel free to sprinkle some ready confetti under your pillow, just in case (winky face emoji).
http://sunnydaysinsecondgrade.blogspot.com/2011/07/ready-confetti.html

Gifts

This was a sweet little perk I didn't expect.  Teachers get gifts, and not all gifts are apples (yet you will find that you may receive all sorts of apple-related gifts...apple-scented candles, apple notepads, apple jewelry, apple charms, and of course the gift that started it all...the apple).

You will need to learn how to look thankful and appreciative when receiving something special from a student, even when you have absolutely no idea what the gift is, or why you are getting it.  ALL gifts deserve thank you notes (this is just a good life skill), so you might want to stock up on “A Note From Your Teacher” stationery now (they do look a bit classier than a hasty note scribbled on a sheet of notebook paper ripped from a Steno pad).  Regardless of how random the gift seems, remember that your student picked it out for you, so you will need to find something nice to say about it.  Here are a few examples:

Gift	What You Can Say About It
See-through purple tank-top, size large, tags still attached, deodorant marks on the armpits	Dear ______, Thank you so much for the lovely purple top.  You know that purple is my favorite color!  It is very pretty, and I can’t wait to wear it for a very special occasion.
A snow globe with a religious figure inside	Dear _______, Thank you so much for the beautiful snow globe!  It will certainly brighten up my desk at home.
A golf ball clock, batteries dead	Dear _________, Thank you so much for the golf ball clock!  You must have remembered that I said that I tried to learn how to play golf one day.  It will be very useful on my work desk at home.

When at a loss, you can use the words “I will think of you every time that I look at it,” and that usually makes for a good ending to your note.

You may also find that you appreciate hand-made cards and gifts more than monetary presents.  While gifts cards are AMAZING and ever-so-useful, the special notes are the ones that make it into the permanent collection*.

(Though any of these beat getting a gift card HOLDER with no gift card inside...true story)

*Permanent Collection - Old wine box that contains the notes. cards, and handmade gifts that are too special to throw away

Bathroom Breaks

Teachers don’t get them.  Hang on, I take that back.  Teachers do get two well-deserved bathroom breaks; one is during lunch, and the second is when the school day is over.   Much like a person can train their body to get ready for a marathon, a teacher has to train her bladder to get ready for the school year.  I learned a little something about coffee as well…that being to NOT drink two cups of coffee in the morning when lunch is an agonizing four hours away.  Coffee contains caffeine, which, as it turns out, is a diuretic (I had to look that one up!).  A diuretic increases the flow of urine to rid the body of excess water.  In layman’s terms, it makes you pee…a lot.  It’s a bit ironic, as coffee seems to be a lifeline for a majority of teachers who wake up before the sun to get to school to prepare for the day.  I can offer just a few tips for this conundrum:

·               Hope and pray for a bathroom INSIDE the classroom (these mostly occur in kindergarten or first grade classrooms).

·               Get well-acquainted to those in neighboring classrooms, as they can be your lookout buddies.  That is, once your students are miraculously working on something quietly, your lookout buddy can listen out to make sure your students don’t start a wrestling match as you run to the bathroom in the next hall over.

·               Make a sign with the words “Bathroom Break PLEASE” to hang out of your door.  Then wait, and hope that some kind soul comes by to watch your class while you empty your bladder.

·               Don’t drink anything in the morning; wait until summer to get your daily caffeine fix.